First Step to Healing
by BrokenGlass12
Summary: After Lucy dies on a mission, Natsu is heartbroken and believes that he is at fault. He is the only person who can save himself. One-shot Nalu


**I was listening to pandora and** _ **Lucy**_ **by** _ **Skillet**_ **came on and I'd never heard it before. I instantly thought of Natsu visiting Lucy's grave and this is what I came up with after it inspiring me. It's my first song based one-shot. Tell me how I did? Please? Hope you enjoy! :D**

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 **Natsu POV**

" _Which way do we go?" You looked at me with big eyes. We came across a fork in the road in the middle of a dense forest._

 _I turn toward Gray and Erza, silently questioning them. Gray just smirks._

" _I told you that we shouldn't of gone this way Ash Brains."_

" _Well you didn't have a better idea. At least I can come up with at least that, Ice Princess." I say challenging him._

 _We both take a step towards the other unconsciously._

 _That's when I left your side. I didn't know what would happen seconds later. Erza was scouting a few yards ahead, ignoring us bickering. Happy was singing about fish sitting on a rock watching me and Gray._

 _Little did any of us know, we had been followed by the same wizards that we were looking for. They came up behind us, but you were the only one that noticed them. You turned around with wide eyes and your hand reaching toward your keys. My name on your lips._

 _That's when one of them, who had claws and the agility of a cat, clawed you in the heart, releasing dark magic in the form of poison into you. No one had noticed them, only you, until you gasped at the sudden pain._

 _I turned around, only to see you fall to the ground, bashing your head on a rock. I ran to your side, only to find you unmoving and already growing cold. At that moment, I didn't feel grief and sorrow. I felt rage and hatred towards the wizards that had done you harm. My body lit up in flames and I charged them, with Gray on my tail, yelling my name, and Erza frozen looking at you with a single tear in her eye._

 _We were supposed to catch and return them alive, but I couldn't do that after watching you die. Gray couldn't even fathom to try to hold me back in the state I was in._

 _I killed every single one of them. Every single one. Only then did reality finally catch up to me. I fell on my knees and crawled over to you. I pulled you into my arms, and cradled you with my bloodied hands. I cried the first tears in years, under the weight of grief. Grief for you._

 _That's when I stopped feeling anything good about life. It only went downhill after that..._

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You would've turned 27 today. It's been ten years since your death and I'm still not over it. How can I get over it when it was my fault? My fault that I chose that stupid mission. My fault that I left your side to bicker with Gray. And my fault that I wasn't there to protect you.

It's all my fault.

No matter what anyone else tells me, I know that it was my fault.

I haven't been the same since. No one has, but me especially. Happy tries to get me to eat like I used to, fight like I used to, smile like I used to. Even Gray tries to get me to insult him. Maybe so that the guild can see that the fire in me is still there. But to tell you the truth… my heart isn't in it anymore.

Life.

It's worthless without you. I never told you how I truly felt about you, and now I'll never get to. I never realized my feelings until you were gone, but they were always there.

It's always more fun when we're together right? I never realized how true that was until I lost you.

So here I am. Kneeling over your grave with roses in my hand. Crying over what a failure I am. Crying about the past. And crying about how I'll never see you again.

I'd give anything to see your eyes sparkling again with the fight that only you have. To hear your laugh ringing in my ears. To hold you against me when you're scared. You'll never know my feelings for you. I'll never get to kiss you, or go to sleep with you in my arms. Never.

Erza tries to distract me from my thoughts because they always lead back to you. She knows what losing someone is like. But she's strong, so she was able to go back to living her life. I thought I was strong enough for this. I thought it would get better with time, but it doesn't. If anything, my body grows more numb every day.

Erza says it's better to talk about you and to say your name, but I can't. If I even hear your name or stories about you, I walk away with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat.

I've tried to say your name once. It was one year after your death. The guild finally decided to clean out your apartment after paying rent for a year when no one lived there. We couldn't handle a reminder of you right in front of us. It was too much to handle.

I went to your room first and I saw that your bed was unmade. Your book laid unfinished on the desk, and you still had a cup on the nightstand.

I felt something then. It was like a tingling sensation down my fingers and up my spine. I had went up alone but I felt like someone was there. I turned around and murmured "Lucy," but it was only my mind playing tricks on me. I realized what I'd said and ran downstairs before grief could fully envelope me and away from the others. I sat down under a tree with closed eyes and stayed there for hours. Happy finally found me and Gray had followed him. Together they convinced me to go home.

I come to your grave every year on your birthday. Attempting to remember good memories of you instead of your death. So today I've finally decided to say it. To say what I've never said to anyone before. Maybe it'll release a weight off my chest. Maybe I'll feel the little bit better. And maybe this is the first step foward to healing.

"I love you, Lucy."

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 **So I know that I didn't follow the song exactly, but I was just inspired by it and felt that I needed to mention it.**

 **Tell me what you think. Reviews are appreciated! ;P**


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